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What is Domestic Violence? |
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Domestic Violence is a system of power and control over an
intimate partner. Domestic violence includes any and all
forms of abuse: physical, sexual, and emotional. The
motivation is always to control another person’s thoughts
and behavior. |
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Domestic Violence Against an Adult Can Include: |
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Physical Abuse |
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Pushing or
shoving. |
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Hitting or
slapping. |
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Strangling or
restraining by force. |
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Pulling hair. |
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Punching,
kicking. |
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Twisting arms,
tripping. |
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Using a
weapon, i.e. gun, knife, blunt object, lighted cigarette. |
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Sexual Abuse |
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Forcing or
coercing a sexual activity that is not wanted or consented
to (rape, oral sex, anal sex). |
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Forced
prostitution. |
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Repeated
accusations of sexual activity with others, i.e. calling
partner whore or slut. |
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Emotional Abuse |
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Intimidation–putting the victim in fear by using looks,
actions, gestures, loud voice, destroying property. |
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Isolation–controlling what the victim does, who the
victim sees and talks to, and where the victim goes. |
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Putting the
victim down, name calling, mind games. |
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Economic
abuse–trying to keep the victim from getting or keeping a
job, making a partner ask or beg for money, taking money,
controlling the checkbook and bank accounts. |
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Threats–making threats to hurt the victim or the
children, to take the children, and/or commit suicide. |
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Using
Children–making the victim feel guilty about the
children, using the children to relay messages, using
visitations as a way to further harass or abuse, labeling
the victim as a bad or inadequate parent. |
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The Power and Control
Wheel provides a visual to help explain the dynamics
of a domestic violence situation. Compare that wheel to
the Equality Wheel,
which assists in defining a non-violent relationship. |
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Three to four million women are beaten in their homes by
husbands or partners each year. Current statistics
indicate that 95% of all cases involve male abusers and
female victims. (U.S. Department of Justice) Women and
children are not the only victims of violence, but
statistics indicate that more women than men are battered
by their partners. Therefore we refer to the victim as
“she” and the abuser as “he.” |
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How do victims of domestic violence feel? |
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Fear – Fears
for personal safety and the safety of the children are
often overwhelming. |
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Confusion –
The victim may believe her partner when he promises to
change or to stop abusing her. The victim may feel
confused over the change in the partner’s behavior from
day to day. |
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Shame and
Guilt – Victims are told that they deserve the abuse, and
they try to change their behavior to stop the abuse. This
makes victims feel progressively worse about themselves,
because nothing they do stops the abuse. Victims may be
ashamed about staying in the relationship. Each abusive
incident progressively lowers a victim’s self-esteem and
initiative to leave the situation. |
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Minimization
of the Abuse – The abuser constantly tells the victim that
the abuse is deserved, or even that it did not occur at
all. Victims begin to think they may be exaggerating and
may begin to view the abuse as “normal.” |
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Trapped,
powerless – When all control is taken away, it takes all a
victim’s energy merely to survive and protect the
children. Leaving is seen as an unattainable goal. |
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Why do battered Women Stay? |
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The above question, “Why do battered women stay?” more
accurately reflects society’s reality. Gender also plays a
large role in the power imbalance that forces woman to
stay in abusive relationships more often than men. |
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Asking why she stays is an important question to answer,
but it is also important to examine society’s need to ask
it. We ask this question because we have a need to place
blame somewhere. It is easier to blame the victim of a
crime than to hold the perpetrator accountable, especially
in the complicated context of domestic violence. |
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However, society must get past this stumbling block, and
begin to view victims of domestic violence consistently
with compassion, and that means acceptance of their life
choices and a conscious refusal to pass judgment. We also
need to be mindful of the statistics, and be aware that
leaving does not mean safety. A battered woman stays
because of: |
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Fear for her
safety and the safety of her children. 75% of domestic
assaults occur at the point of separation or divorce.
(U.S. Department of Justice) A woman is murdered in this
county by a stalking ex-husband or boyfriend every two
hours. (de Becker, Public Radio interview, July 9, 1997)
Leaving is the most potentially deadly time. |
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Fear that her
children will be taken from her. Batters threaten that
they will take the children from the victim either legally
or illegally if she dares to leave the relationship |
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No
transportation –A rural battered women often cannot leave
her home because of lack of transportation. She may not
have access to a vehicle, or a driver’s license. Even if
she does have a vehicle, she may be reluctant to drive to
appointments with service providers for fear the abuser
will check mileage. In addition, many rural and remote
residents live on gravel backroads, and road conditions
are often poor. Maintenance and snow removal may be
intermittent or completely lacking. |
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Economic — In
rural areas, as in other areas, poverty is devastating.
Poverty in rural areas is often harsher than professionals
may realize because of the lack of available services and
safety nets. Seasonal jobs mean unemployment during the
off-season, with little chance of finding other
employment. Rural areas have few, if any, job training
programs.
Nowhere to go in the short term – Rural battered women may
not have access to a shelter, or the nearest one may be
more than an hour away. Going to a shelter means uprooting
children from school and extended family. |
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No permanent
housing — For rural battered women, leaving a batterer
means leaving the community because of a lack of permanent
housing. Staying in the community often means living is
sub-standard or unsafe housing. |
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Security —
Many rural women have never lived anywhere else, and
leaving the security of a family is a giant step into the
unknown.
Livelihood/Lifestyle — Many battered women are business
partners in the farming or ranching operation. |
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Children are
begging to return — It is difficult to ignore the pleas
of children to return to their homes, even when a battered
women knows that the situation is unsafe. |
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No childcare
— Rural areas face a severe shortage of childcare.
Mothers who work outside the home often have to piece
together childcare arrangements that includes friends and
relatives, or they must transport their children to
another community where childcare is available. Mothers
are often worried about the emotional and physical
well-being of their young children. This is one more
obstacle that rural battered women face. |
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Religious
reasons — Churches are the social fabric of small towns
and rural communities. Many rural women are deeply
religious, and deeply opposed to breaking up the family. |
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Extended
Family — Family plays a huge role in the lives of rural
and remote people. Family provides comfort and security,
and sometimes is one of the only social outlets. Homes,
businesses, and farms are often intertwined among extended
family members. Preserving the relationship is vital to
the emotional and financial health of each individual.
Divorce wreaks havoc on this intricate structure. Battered
women are often pressured to stay in abusive relationships
for the sake of the family. |
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Generational Effects of Domestic Violence — Isolation can
be pronounced in rural communities, and the family is
often a closed unit. If a battered woman grew up
witnessing |
